Love Will Tear Us Apart by C. K. McDonnell

Author:C. K. McDonnell [McDonnell, C. K.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473577329
Publisher: Transworld
Published: 2023-01-04T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 26

Stella took a deep breath and tried to focus on enjoying the nocturnal sights and sounds of Manchester as they rolled by outside the car window, but she was finding it difficult. She didn’t know where she and Betty were, but that wasn’t exactly surprising. She spent most of her time locked inside an old church, so it wasn’t as if she had a great deal of geographical knowledge of the area.

In that regard, at least in theory, it was nice to be out and about. It was just the details of the out and about that were proving challenging – in particular, the fact that she fully expected to die in a fireball car crash, and the circumstances of the accident would unfairly confirm every crappy sexist stereotype about women’s driving.

If anything, Betty drove like a man. A man possessed. A man possessed of a death wish. She threw the supposed car around a corner at an ill-judged speed and Stella closed her eyes. Any second now.

‘Stella, dear girl. Please do me the kindness of not digging your nails into the door handle. You are going to leave a mark on poor Betty.’

‘If you’re so worried about your car,’ snapped Stella, ‘then why don’t you get it another wheel?’

Betty sighed ostentatiously, while nimbly swinging the car past a drunk bloke who had stopped in the middle of the road to admire the vehicle. ‘For the last time – it is only supposed to have three wheels. It is a Reliant Robin. A British classic.’

‘Classic just means old, and the reason it’s British is that nobody else in the world ever wanted to buy such a thing. Does it even have airbags?’

‘I don’t think so.’

‘I figured. You usually put them in right after the fourth wheel. Cars have four wheels, you see. It’s an extremely good design. Basic physics dictates that a wheel at each corner is the optimal arrangement because of, well, I don’t know. I don’t know that much about physics but … Forget physics. It’s basic common sense.’

‘But what about a sense of romance?’ asked Betty.

‘There’s nothing romantic about a car.’

Having said that, as it happened, one of the tsunami of nutters Stella had had to deal with as part of Loon Day had been very romantic about cars. So much so that he was banned from most of the dealerships in Greater Manchester.

‘And come to think of it,’ Stella continued, ‘what kind of narcissist names her car after herself?’

‘Betty is not named after me,’ said Betty. ‘She is named after a different Betty. In fact, her full title is Betty Two.’

‘Are we spelling that t-w-o or t-o-o?’

‘Either works.’

The vehicle swerved an alarming degree as Betty executed an overtaking manoeuvre around a late-night bus. It was just after midnight on a Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, so when they’d left the office a few minutes ago, there had still been quite a few people about. As they headed out of town, the larger groups of people gave way

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